A Thousand Moments of Clarity

More and more Republicans seem to be waking up from a five year drunk. They’re squinting outside through the curtains at a car they don’t recognize sprawled across the front lawn, with the doors open and the headlights still on and the remnants of some kind of garden fencing wrapped around the left front tire. Just wait till they find that dead hooker in the bathtub.

Yep. It’s Morning After in America.

Recovery specialists will tell you that an alcoholic can watch a whole lot of life slip away, and still rationalize how it’s being lived. Marriage, career, family, friends, home, health – all lost and gone, maybe forever, but it’s never their fault. It’s always somebody else’s fault. One thing that tends to bring a person into recovery, the experts say, is when they realize, for certain, that if they don’t change they will die. That one shining moment of clarity, when suddenly they can see exactly where this train is going, and exactly who is stoking the engine.

For some Republicans, it was Katrina. Having the whole world get a good whiff of America’s third world underbelly was bad enough, but the shameful spectacle of Bush’s dingbat crony Michael Brown assigning the blame to just about everyone and everything short of Ted Kennedy’s driving was a bit much, even for the faithful.

Then Bush nominated Harriet Meirs to the Supreme Court.

Watching “conservative icon” Ann Coulter on TV saying, “She is simply unqualified for the job, it’s stunning that he would nominate her. I’m running scared now,” was like watching a lost weekend survivor, pouring the last of the vodka down the sink, muttering “Oh my god, what have I done…”

Maybe it’s just as well that team Bush is charging ahead, staying the course. Those recovery specialists will also tell you that once an alcoholic has turned the corner, it almost bodes well for their continued sobriety if there is nothing behind them but scorched earth. If they can say “Hey, I never cashed in my kid’s Tiger bonds, I never drank fingernail polish, I was never even indicted – I don’t see how a little cocktail after a hard day would hurt…” then their recovery is at risk.
But if they see nothing in the rear view mirror but the near total wreckage of American democracy, maybe they’ll keep working those steps.

Let’s take it one Republican at a time.

Bush Nominates Nicaraguan Housekeeper As Supreme Court Justice

“She’s more than qualified. And just wait ‘til you taste her quesadillas,” Bush says.

President George W. Bush has nominated Maria Conchita Anjelita Rodriguez, who for the last 13 years has been employed as a housekeeper at the Bush family ranch in Crawford, Texas, to replace retiring Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor, raising eyebrows on both sides of the aisle in Washington.

Many along the beltway have questioned, among other things, Mrs. Rodriguez’s immigration status, a concern the president dismissed as “a non-issue”. “I have spoken this morning with the Immigration and Naturalization Service. Done and done. Bienvenidos a los Estados Unidos,” the president said. Questions were also raised regarding Mrs. Rodriquez’s apparent lack of English language skills, concerns the president characterized as “elitist”. “I barely speak English, and I’m president,” Bush responded. “Next question.”

The president similarly dismissed other concerns, such as Mrs. Rodriguez’s complete lack of formal education. “There are more important things at stake than whether or not somebody has got a bunch of fancy book learnin,” the president said. “Maria is a God-fearing Christian who considers abortion to be murder and the very existence of homosexuality morally repugnant in every way. Now that’s a Supreme Court nominee we can all get behind. My only concern is who’s gonna take care of Barney, our dog. Barney won’t hardly mind nobody else but Maria.”

Bush also praised Mrs. Rodriquez’s unwavering loyalty to the Bush family. “Maria has been with us for so long, she’s practically a second mom to our daughters,” he said. “And her chili rellenos, I’m tellin’ ya – the best in all of Texas.”

Ann Coulter's Head Explodes

Eyewitnessess Stunned, Thrilled

Conservative firebrand Ann Coulter’s head spontaneously combusted on live national television Friday, authorities said.

Appearing via satellite on HBO’s “Real Time With Bill Maher”, Coulter was struggling to put into words her reaction to president George W. Bush’s nomination of Harriet Meirs as U.S. Supreme Court justice. “I just…I can’t….Ahhhhhhh!” Coulter was quoted as saying.

Her head then exploded.

HBO associate producer Janine Foster, who was overseeing Coulter’s live satellite hook-up from Washington D.C., commented “I’ve never seen anything like it. She was just sitting there, yammering away, looking for all the world like that crazy eyed runaway bride chick, and then all of a sudden – boom! Her head was gone. Nothing left but a clump of blonde hair on top of the telepromter.” Ms. Foster added, “Dark roots, by the way.”

Three More Years...

Three more years of this -- three more years of the wheels coming off the wagon.

Three more years of watching this ham-fisted money grab of an administration get desperate and start clinging to it’s filthy power more ferociously. Three more years of watching this half-bright alcoholic rich man’s son every day on CNN -- shrugging and smirking like a frat-boy with a six pack. Three more years of reading headlines beginning with the words "Bush Defends..." Three more years of listening to the president of the United States of America talk like a NASCAR driver.

Yew Betcha,
L4

I'd Like to Apologize in Advance For This...